


Words Across the Table

by huldrejenta



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Community: rs_small_gifts, First Date, M/M, fragment writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 06:18:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5574049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huldrejenta/pseuds/huldrejenta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Over the years, Remus and Sirius keep running into each other, but they always let each other slip away again. Until they finally meet up for a café date, each bringing with them regrets from the past and hopes for the future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Words Across the Table

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Knowmefirst](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knowmefirst/gifts).



> Happy Holidays, dear Knowmefirst!  
> Many thanks to the lovely [starfishstar](http://archiveofourown.org/users/starfishstar/pseuds/starfishstar) for beta reading ♥

 

”Did you know,” says Remus, swirling the content in his glass around a few times, “that the first time I met you, back when we were kids, there was a moment when I thought you were a guardian angel?”

He tears his eyes away from his wine and looks up across the pavement café table. It’s not an easy thing to do, meeting Sirius’ gaze, but Sirius simply arches his brows at him, expectantly, a shadow of a soft smile floating across his face as he motions for Remus to continue.

“It’s not that I couldn’t stand up for myself. I could, you know, if I had to, but there were quite a few of those boys that day, and I was alone. Until you showed up from out of nowhere.”

He pushes away the voice in his head that keeps saying _maybe you should stop talking, this is too much, stay smooth_. But the time is gone for half-truths and trying to keep cool. Neither of them has said it out loud, but Remus knows in his gut that this is their chance. The chance to turn their years-long dance around each other into something more. He’ll be damned if he’ll let his pride take that chance away.

“I’m not sure if it was the furious look in your eyes or the fear of what anyone from that wild Black family might do, but they all ran away before you even had to do anything.”

Sirius snorts. “It was the one good thing about being a Black when I was growing up. With the reputation we had, no one dared to mess with me.”

“I didn’t know about any of that, though. We’d just moved there. All I saw was a dark angel who swept in and saved the day.”

Something flickers in the grey eyes as they meet his, something unusually vulnerable. “I would make a terrible guardian angel, I’m afraid.”

Warmth stirs in the pit of Remus’ stomach. “Oh, I don’t know. I’ve always thought that the angels with a bit of dirt on their wings would be the most interesting to have around.” He takes another sip of his wine without looking away from Sirius’ gaze. “I know they would be for me, anyway.”

Sirius’ tense shoulders loosen up, just a little bit, but for now it’s enough.

***

There are people in this world, Remus has long since learned, who possess that intangible quality, that special something that makes others gravitate towards them. It doesn’t lie in their looks, although good looks can never hurt, of course, but Remus means something... deeper. Something that makes a room instantly brighter when they walk into it. Something that can turn a small, encouraging clap on the back into a moment to remember and treasure. Something that makes the glow of a lingering smile paint the whole world in a golden shimmer.

People who shine like the sun.

He’s always known that Sirius was one of those people, ever since that first time he saw him. The sun is a star, and Sirius has never stopped being his.

Remus sees himself more like the moon.

Someone unable to shine on his own. Someone who needs the rays from the sun to reflect on them, hoarding the sunlight, grasping it with eager hands before transforming it into a paler version, almost making it look like the light they convey to the world is their own.

During the times when Sirius wasn’t a part of his life, Remus always felt like his own inner light struggled merely to stay lit.

***

“I’ve been thinking about that time when we ran into each other on the train. Remember?”

“Of course I remember, Sirius.” He’s only been thinking about it every day since.

“It was so strange to see you again. I don’t think we’d seen each other since James’ and Lily’s wedding.”

“True.”

“I’ve never even liked trains that much. I get restless. But that trip... Can’t remember why I was going to London. But I can recite by heart the clothes you were wearing. You’d used some sort of citrus-y shampoo, I couldn’t so much as look at a lemon for ages afterwards without thinking of you. It was raining the entire journey, and you talked about how much you loved rainy weather.”

“I always have been quite fond of the rain.”

“And when we arrived at the station, I let you slip out of my life. Again.”

“We let each other slip away, Sirius.”

“Why on earth didn’t we arrange a date a lot sooner?”

“I don’t know. Probably because as much as we both want to be the brave ones, we’re actually a couple of cowards when it comes to reaching out for what we want most of all.” The one person in the world who could make them whole and just as easily break the other one completely.

***

Sirius says that he couldn’t say exactly how many times they’ve fallen into each other’s lives, only to let themselves drift apart again.

Remus knows it’s seven. Seven times, each time bringing with it its own set of regrets.

One. How he hadn’t even asked his guardian angel for his name after he helped Remus scare off the bullies.

Two. How he’d been too nervous to join Sirius and his friends playing football at James’ twelfth birthday party, still shaken after recognising the beautiful boy he’d never forgotten.

Three. Taking the seat furthest away from Sirius when they years later ended up going to the cinema with the same group of friends.

Four. How he would play the image of a well-worn leather jacket clinging to strong shoulders again and again in his head after a long winter of meeting at pub crawls during their Uni days.

Five. Never quite working up the nerve to ask Sirius for a dance at James’ and Lily’s wedding.

Six. Realising during the train ride where they ran into each other that he’d fallen in love with Sirius, that he wanted nothing more than to look at the rain outside the window and listen to Sirius' voice, and that he still couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it.

Seven. Having a wonderful time at Frank’s last birthday party, feeling that it ought to be enough, yet being unable to stop glancing over at Sirius, thinking about what it would be like to whisper sweet nonsense into the soft skin between his sharp shoulder blades.

***

Remus has spent way too much time dreaming of dances they never took and kisses they never shared. He’s regretted missed opportunities and how they’ve both failed spectacularly at picking them up again. They’re both here now, and he wants to make it count. No more regrets.

***

“What made you call me yesterday?”

Sirius shrugs, making an awful job of being casual. He’s pulling on his gloves. It’s getting cold outside, but it’s just started snowing and neither of them wants to be anywhere else. “I’ve missed you.”

Remus should probably be horrified at himself for the intense joy those words bring him, but he’s too dizzy to care.

“Also,” Sirius says, “James said that if I didn’t grow a spine and do something about my endless moping – his words mind you – he’d call you himself.”

“As fun as that would’ve been, I’m glad it was you on the line.”

That smile again, the one that lights up the entire street. It could light up the entire city. “Me too, Remus. Me too.”

***

He hates to admit it. As the evening draws to an end despite their best efforts to ignore the pointed looks the waiter sends them, Remus is getting nervous.

Which is stupid.

“This has been... really great, Remus.”

It has.

Sirius leans closer, letting his hand cover Remus’ as his eyes drop to Remus’ slightly parted lips. Just for a second, but it’s there.

“A fair warning,” Sirius says the moment before their mouths meet, “I’m not about to let you go this time.”

The kiss is soft. Sirius’ bottom lip has the hint of a tremble and he tastes of wine and dark chocolate.

“Good,” says Remus. “I’m not about to disappear.”

***

They kiss again. It’s just as scary and just as wonderful as the first time. Anyone who’s said _a kiss is just a kiss_ has never tried to kiss Sirius Black over a café table at the end of a very promising first date.

“You’re my sun, you know,” says Sirius. Remus closes his eyes and can’t even bother trying to hide his silly smile.

Maybe kissing Sirius will keep being just a little bit scary and a whole lot of wonderful. Remus very much hopes so.

He leans in one more time.

And then again.

He might never stop.


End file.
